Every problem has a similar solution!
by canukepasecret
Summary: Ginny has a problem, Hermione has the solution. Hermione has a problem, Malfoy has the solution. Malfoy has a problem, Blaise has the solution. Blaise has a problem, Ginny has the solution. Yes the whole Hogwarts is confused with their weird problems and their weirder solutions. And also the chaos that Snape had created does not help either.R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: so this is my first harry potter fanfic. I'll warn you guys that I am not good with the British English. If you think there is a mistake anywhere feel free to point it out to me.**

**Disclaimer: I own the harry potter world, Draco Malfoy in my boy friend. My house is on a rainbow and I play with unicorns. Yep! in my dreams****!**

* * *

Pansy as usual was clinging to my arm, like her life depended on it. And Crabbe as usual filled his mouth with food like his life depended on it. And Greengrass and Theo were desperately trying to get into each other's mouth like there life depended on it. Blaise and that loony Lovegood were staring into each other yes! You got it right like there life depended on it. Seriously what was wrong with all the students? Am I the only sane wizard alive? Really the Slytherin table was getting boring as the days passed. So I looked at the other table to see if I could find something interesting.

Hufflepuff table had almost the same story. All of a sudden there was a loud commotion from the Gryffindor table.

"What do you mean by you think I'm getting too clingy?" the littlest Weasely shouted in her shrilly voice.

Potty tried to pull her down, by saying something but she was having none of it. and ran out of the great hall.

"How could you? You know she has been in love with you since she first saw you at the platform. If a girl wants to spend little more time with you its love not clinginess." Shouted the weasel. His face was read. One had to look closely to find where his face started and hair ended. As he was about to pounce on the boy who loved to live he was immobilized in the mid air floating and thrashing to just land and do everyone a favor and killed potty ones and for all.

"really now?" came a calm voice, that belonged to none other than miss I-cant-place-hand-beside-me-in-class-ever. When I saw her wand pointed at weasel I realized it was her that gave the weasel privilege to fly in the great hall.

"From what I remember you said that clinginess was suffocating and nauseous. "She said calmly and slowly. If the whole hall was not so silent no one would have heard her.

"Hermione this has nothing to do with you. Just put me down. Now!" he shouted.

She laughed a humorless laugh.

"As always, you are wrong" she spat and with a swish of her wand she let the weasel to fall into his wildest dream. The food! She turned around and left the great hall. Probably to a crying Weasley.

Potty left a second later. Weasley left too after he brushed off the food he landed on. The chattering resumed probably talking about the recent amusing public display of affection of the Gryffindor.

I walked out of the hall to meet the headmistress. She wanted to talk to me about something important.

As I knocked on her door she asked me to come I was about to sit on a chair I saw her glaring at Dumbledore's portrait. So our beloved wrinkled owl has finally gone bonkers.

I cleared my thoughts to gain her attention.

"Oh right. Mr. Malfoy. Can I help you?" yes, she has gone mental. Please someone call the St. Mungos

"I believe you wanted to talk to me something important professor?"

She furrowed her eyebrows which I assume was to think.

"Oh! Yes I remember I called you here to talk to you about the head boy position. You sent me a letter declining the head boy position. I just wanted to know if you have changed your mind? Because I do not find any reason as to why would you want to remain a prefect when you could be the head boy"

"No professor I have not. And the reason is quite personal."

"Well then I will have to owl the new head boy about his new position. Thank you Mr. Malfoy, you may leave now."

As I was at the door I couldn't help but ask just wishing it wasn't the boy wonder or the red headed mongrel.

"Who will be the head boy then professor?"

"Blaise Zabini" she said smiling like she knew why I was asking her.

I left her to continue her glaring completion with one amused portrait of our ex head master.

Even after war nothing the much changed in my life much other than the fact that my father was in Azkaban. Not that I am complaining. It's good not to have that pathetic excuse of a father controlling me. He almost got me and mother killed listening to that nose less faced mad man. So I had decided to do exactly the opposite of everything that he wanted me not to do. It was his dream that I become the head boy and be ahead of the boy wonder at least in one thing. But i refused to give him any kind of satisfaction.

I was walking down a corridor when I realised there were few girls standing on the way and talking. I decided to turn around and take another way. It's not like I don't like being around girls. But sometimes it's really irritating when girls start flirting with me. I was about to walk around when I heard my name and thought against it. So I hid in the shadows to listen,

When I looked closer they were few Gryffindor. I have never shagged a Gryffindor not because they were not shag gable but let's get real they are Gryffindor. They were too proud for being a one night stands. And I dint like giving any girl hopes that she could ever mean anything. So I was really curious about what they thought. There was Katie bell, the Patil twins and a girl I don't remember her name.

"I really love Draco Malfoy's hair" one of the twins said. Though I don't know which one.

"I just love everything about him Parvati" said Katie bell. Oh so that was Parvati

"He almost got you killed Katie" said the girl whose name i do not remember.

"That's makes him more responsible. He owes me. I don't mind if he would sleep with me just to make up for it lavender" oh yes she is lavender crazy brown who went crazy for that weasel. The best suited for each other, both were crazy.

"Really I would give anything to have sex with him, even if it meant a one night stand"

"Wouldn't we all?" said a voice that I recognised so well ant had least expected to say that. It was that mud- muggle born. I refused to say that word not because I feel any different for her but saying that word meant that my idiot of father was still controlling me.

"did you just say that" said the other twin playfully pinching granger on her arm to make sure it was her i suppose..

'Did she really say that?' I was shocked, I dint listen to them coming near. And someone bumped into me. I was washed over by the smell of vanilla and fresh flowers. I was just in time to see it was granger.

"watch where you are going"

"ah Malfoy! If I dint know better I would have thought you were eavesdropping" she said with a smirk totally Slytherin worthy .

"and it's a surprise that the know it all actually knows better" I said in my best nonchalant voice and pushed passed her to the dungeons.

When I was out of sight I let out a breath I dint realize I was holding. So the bookworm actly thinks about someone other than books. oh right she had been dating the red headed monstrosity. As I reached the common room I found out that Blaise and Theo were having and intense conversation about something.

Hermione's POV

I ran after Ginny to the common room, but she wasn't there. I knew exactly what need to be done to get back to those pathetic boys. I had earlier thought that Ron had been right may be I had become too clingy, but when harry also blamed Ginny, this was the last straw. I always considered her as my little sister I never had. Now that harry had hurt her, I was going to hurt both if them slowly and hurt fully. Ginny was not in the common room which only meant she was in her new dorm room. Yes Ginny was the new head girl. I had declined the position because this year after the war I just wanted to be free and have time for myself. I was still a prefect, but being a prefect had less responsibilities. So on the way I heard lavender, Katie, Padma and Parvati talking about Malfoy.

"really I would give anything to have sex with him, even if it meant a one night stand" said Lavender.

"wouldn't we all."

"did you just say that" said Padma pinching my arm.

i was rooling my eyes and walking away when I ran into a wall.

"watch where you are going"

Well a wall that talked and smelled of peppermint and a cologne that resembles the smell of a forest. Fresh and natural.

"ah Malfoy! If I dint know better I would have thought you were eavesdropping" I said wondering how long had he been standing there and listening to us. .

"and it's a surprise that the know it all actually knows better" he said in a bored tone.

I just rolled my eyes went on my way.

Malfoy was really one of the hottest guy in the school. Gone were his gelled up hair that looked like he would punish each strand that would dare to fall out of place. Now they were in a disheveled array few strands covering his eyes which gave him a mysterious look. I don't know much about his body as they were always covered in his uniform and cloak. But the rumors has it that the Slytherin sex god aka Malfoy had a perfect sculptured body. Which i think might be true after having bumped into him, I felt his abs they were quite hard.

"_sexy Harry_"

Yes that was the password of the head girls dorm room now. She was madly in love with him. That had to change. He dint deserve a girl like Ginny. I found Ginny by the fire place.

As I went and sat beside her she cried and talked things that I dint understand. Really I'm yet to understand a girls cry talks.

After she cooled down a little I saw the fire in her eye that were in mine few months ago when Ron broke up with me not so subtly for the same reason.

Apparently telling him not to eat like it was his last meal and taking him to a psychiatrist at St. Mungos so that he can recover well of the after effects of the war was an act of clinginess. I still remember that moment clear in my head.

_Ron had been stuffing his mouth with spaghettis like they would vanish any moment._

_"Ron dear try to chew in between else you might just choke on it." I said while stopping his hands to meet with his mouth to fill another spoon fool of spaghetti into an already filled mouth._

_He glared at me and just jerked his hands out of my grasp and in the process spilled the spaghetti on his shirt staining it._

_I just rolled my eyes and performed a cleansing spell to clean it._

_"There good as new, wouldn't want you to go to St. Mungos with that stain." I patted the patch and smiled at him._

_He slapped my hand away and stood up angrily shouting on top of his voice._

_"That's it! I can't take this anymore. I'm breaking up with you"_

_"What? Why?" I asked shocked._

_"You are too clingy, you are pathetic and a prude. Its suffocating and nauseating. The only thing you can ever be good at is reading. You might as well marry a bloody book. As it doesn't eat and you don't have to force it to go anywhere with you."_

"Mione are you even listening to me?" Ginny asked shaking me out of the horrible memory.

"Yes Ginny I have. I understand you problem all too well, and as a matter of fact I have a perfect solution for it.

**A/N: okay so what do you think? Yah! Or Nah! Let me know please. Peview please. Pretty please *pouting***


	2. Chapter 2

**So I want to thank the ones who reviewed and added the story to alert list. There was a review that said that they had a problem that I used the centre alignment so I wrote this chapter the 'standard' way.**

**Disclaimer: I wish!**

**Also I did not write whose POV is it. I think you guys can understand. If you can't then let me know I will start putting them again from the next chapter. Also I think I need a beta. If anyone of you interested let me know. Enjoy.**

"Mione are you even listening to me?" I asked shaking her. I know what occurred today was another reminder of her break up with my brother. She doesn't like talking to me much about that incident because Ron is my brother. I never pushed her because I wanted her to talk to me when she wanted.

"Yes Ginny I have. I understand your problem all too well, and as a matter of fact I have a perfect solution for it." She said smiling and thinking something. I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head. I smiled at her. At least she was getting back to herself. After that night she did not come into the burrow again. I had to floo to her house where she stayed with her parents. We stayed together and shopped in the muggle London. I had visited many parts of the muggle London with her. Even during that stay I observed that she had been changing a lot. We never talked about it like her break up. It was like an understanding between us, we knew were always there for each other when needed, but did not push each other to tell things we did not want to. I saw a tear come out of her eyes that she had been trying to control.

I hugged her again but this time to comfort her. I felt her stiffen up.

"It's okay Mione. You can let go. You know I will always be there for you. No matter what."

"Not when it's me against you brother." She said walking and sitting on the couch.

"Do you really think so?" I asked angry at her for thinking that I would leave her. Ron is my brother I love him indefinitely but what he did was wrong. Now that I know how it feels I was definitely on her side.

"Not sure I want to" she said looking at me confused.

"How about I prove it" I said looking at her.

"What did you do Ginny?" she asked me, getting up from the couch.

"Oh you will find out" I said smirking.

"Alright we can talk about it later. But first things first. What do you want to do about the Harry mater?" she asked with a hope in her voice, what was she hoping for I dint know.

"I am not sure" I said. I really dint know what I wanted. I was in love with the boy since forever.

"Do you want to forgive him? Or do you want to – um – you know *cough* - get - *revenge*" if I wasn't listening to her intently then I may not have understood a word.

"I don't know Herm, I mean I love him I couldn't possibly hurt him. And what he said was true." I said sadly. Not wanting to tell her what Harry had said to me.

"That you are clingy?" she asked with wide eyes.

"No not that!" I shouted getting frustrated.

I saw the understanding in her voice that I don't want to talk about it.

We were both lost in our thoughts. Then she spoke suddenly.

"Then you don't want my help. I think I leave foe the dorms. It's almost past curfew." She said sadly.

"Wait Hermione." I said as she was almost near the portrait door. She looked at me with hope in her voice.

"What was the solution that you had?" I asked her slowly not sure I wanted to listen to it.

Her eyes lit up, but when they landed on mine they showed disappointment. She was disappointed in me? But why?

"It doesn't matter anymore, because I know he will take you back, seeing as you want to go back to him."

I frowned as to how she can be so sure.

"Want to know how I am so sure?"

"Yes"

"Because I know Harry better than anyone ever. And during the horcrux hunt I saw and found out things about him that no one even knows or can dream about those things about him." She said making her face like she saw something very rotten and dirty.

"What are you talking about Hermione?"

"Harry would want you back tomorrow and make a great deal out of it because he wouldn't want everyone to know that Harry Potter, the saviour left his Girl Friend because he thought she was clingy." She shouted angrily.

"What do you mean? You know Harry never cared about his reputation ever." I said shouting back.

She looked at me with the same disappointment.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

She was thinking something I saw it on her face.

"Ginny you know, you are like a sister to me. And I care about you. what I am about to ask you to so may lead to us to stop talking, But I care a lot about you; I can't see you getting hurt. I want you to do something for me so that I can prove it to you too, like you wanted to prove it to me?" she asked pleading.

I just nodded.

* * *

While I was walking towards the great hall in the morning it was pure torture. I would take the crusiatic curse any day everyone was looking at me like I was the new criminal in the school. Harry was the one who should be scared but no, no one could ever blame Harry, the saviour of the whole wizarding world. I couldn't even glare at anyone looking at me. I really hope Hermione knew what she was planning. I had just had to make sure that I looked guilty for having flipped the way I did. Well that's easier said than done. I'm sure it was a break up the way I left yesterday, bur Hermione thinks that Harry might not want to break it the way we had. What with him wanting to keep his reputation. Did harry really care about his reputation? I never thought he was materialistic. I hope Hermione is wrong and convince her just for ones she was wrong. I really loved harry. I don't think I can hurt him ever. I m sure that even he loves me and did not want to hurt me like he did. He might have just flipped as there might be something going in his mind about some dark wizard or something. Who was I kidding? I still have that moment etched in my mind.

_Harry had been talking to Dean about quiditch, I decided to join in as well. But as soon as I turned towards them Harry held my hand under the table, a little too tight for my liking. __I was shocked to even utter a word. I__ was just staring at my hand._

_"Ginny not now. I am having a conversation with Dean about quiditch." he said._

"_Yeah sure" I said not knowing what to say._

_We have been in a relationship for the past 3 months and it has been for the lack of words pure physical. We didn't talk much about feelings. Not that I ever minded as I knew harry since forever, we loved each other who needed to talk about feelings right. Right? _

_I just let the thought vanish, as soon as the food appeared._

_I wanted pumpkin juice so I turned towards harry to ask Dean to pass the pumpkin juice jug. I saw that they were still discussing the match. I couldn't help but put in my input after all even I loved quiditch._

_"Yes Dean I completely agree with you if the chaser would have tried harder then they could have easily won."_

"_Listen harry. Even your girlfriend agrees. You lost harry. So you owe me a drink."_

"_Yes so it seems" harry said glaring at me._

_"Ginny you really are the man" Dean said patting my back._

_I just smiled and asked him to pass the pumpkin juice. It was no secret that I was a little what was that muggle word again? Tomboy. Yes that. _

_Then I heard harry cast a 'silencio' around us._

_I looked at him questioningly. _

"_You can't ever stop yourself. Can you?" harry shouted. I glanced around to see no one looking at us._

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_You are the man Ginny? You are the man! Congratulations! I am dating a man. I must be gay. Can't you be a little bit more feminine? Hell! The only thing feminine about is this annoying quality that you picked up 'being clingy'. I cant even have aconversation without you being 'the man' stop getting too clingy!" he shouted_

_I stood up removing the "silencio' from us._

"_What do you mean by you think I'm getting too clingy?" I said standing up._

_He pulled me back to whisper in my ears._

"_What are you doing? Sit down and stop making a scene!" I just jerked my hand away and I left._

I was bought out of my thoughts as I bumped into a first year.

"Sorry" she said.

As I was walking away she called me back.

"You are Ginny Weasley, Harry potters girl friend." She said.

"Yes?"

She picked up the rose bouquet that fell as she bumped into me and thrust them in my hand.

"These are from Harry potter. And if there is any problem with them then you can blame me. Don't go shouting on Harry. You are lucky he still loves you" she glared and left. I was left shocked

As I started walking again another third year girl came up to me and handed me a piece of parchment.

"Here. Harry sends this for you. And seriously stop being so dramatic!" she said and ran away. Before I could respond someone tap me on my shoulder. I turned around to whoever it was to give them a piece of my mind and ask them to shove whatever Harry had given them up their ass.

"Shove it up your ass or – "

I stopped mid sentence to realise it was Blaise Zabini.

"Or what red?" He asked smirking

I just glared at him

He came closer to me and whispered "you like in the ass eh? Who knew you Gryffindors where kinky?" he then moved to look at my face.

I just showed him the finger and was on my way to the Gryffindor when a commotion near the astronomy tower caught my attention.

I ran towards the tower as soon as possible. Harry was standing at the top of the wall and looking down. When he saw me, he smiled and started shouting. He was using an amplifying charm I suppose.

"Ginny! Oh Ginny! There you are; you know how much I love you. I'm sorry for yesterday. I will never hurt you like that ever again" he said. And in that moment I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. I ran up the stairs toward him. I hugged and kissed him. Then he moved us back into the small room like area. He pushed me away.

I looked at him confused.

"Do you have any idea what you did yesterday?" he asked me angrily.

"I know I am so sorry Harry. I love you"

"You made me seem like a bastard yesterday. You are lucky I thought of this and now we are again the hottest couple in Hogwarts." I looked at him shocked. Was Hermione right about him?

"Now come here and walk down with me. Everything would be fine again." he led me down. All of them were cheering for Harry. Girls were looking at him dreamily. I did not understand what was going on. I had to go see Hermione. I slowly removed my hand from his grasp. He looked at me with questioning eyes and yet his lips smiled.

Who was this man? I don't even know him. But I needed to play along so I kissed him and said loud enough for people around us to here.

"I have to go to Hermione. You know she is all worried."

* * *

I was pacing in the Head girls common room waiting for Ginny to return. I asked her to pretend like she was sorry about whole situation so that when Harry sees her sorry then he wouldn't bother to pretend in front of her. During the hunting days I found out Harry was more of a limelight seeker than he let out. I wouldn't dare tell anyone as everyone loved him. But yesterday I had to tell Ginny because I couldn't let her get hurt any more than she already is.

"You better have a bloody good revenge plan." Shouted Ginny as soon as she burst into the hall.

"What happed?" I asked her. She told me everything what happened at the great hall as well as the tower. I couldn't say I was shocked. Harry was always a bit dramatic.

"Where is the parchment?"

"What parchment?" she asked confused.

"The one harry passed it on"

"Oh that one. It's empty. Probably wanted the girl to think that he had written me a love poem or something." She said handing me the parchment.

I took Ginny's hand made a small point to draw some blood with a pin and let a drop fall on the parchment. Then I patted it with my wand and said a quick revealing charm.

Suddenly words appeared on the parchment.

_Ginny,_

_Ginny what you did yesterday was unbelievable. How could you do that to me? Making me look like a fool in front of the whole school? Now even the daily prophet might have a bloody new post about this. Come to the astronomy tower at ones so that I can make things clear. And be a good girl._

_Disappointed Harry._

Ginny tore the parchment into pieces and threw them into the fire.

"Now what?" she asked me with fire in her eye.

"Now that's the Ginny I know and love" I said hugging her.

"Harry wants you to be feminine and a good girl. We will give him that."

"What?" she asked looking at me like I have finally lost it.

"Just trust me." I said smiling at her with a knowing looked. Harry would never know what hit him.

Both of us were wearing our school uniforms.

"Now time for the changes." I said.

She looked at me scared.

"Ginny it's me Hermione, not Ron."

She just laughed.

I said all the spells. Now both our skirts were shorter. They were quite a few inches above knee. So that they looked sexy but not slutty. And since it was our last year there was not many rules for how we dressed. Then I unbuttoned a few top buttons of our shirt and let our house tie hang loose below. Something I learned from my muggle friends.

Then I did make up on both of us, nothing too much I just went with a natural look with just black eye liner Mascara and natural colour lip gloss. And as for our hair I cut Ginny's a few centimetres, they just reached her shoulders. They were straight glossy and silky. She looked like good yet sexy girl. And for my hair I straightened my hair and made a princess braid. (a/n: you know the one where you French braid your hair from both sides and tie it in the middle and leaving the other half of the hair lose below, making the braid look like a tiara)

As we were about to leave Ginny ran to her room and came back with a vial of clear looking liquid.

"What is that?" I asked.

"Just trust me" she said giving me the same look I gave her.

**I know this story says it is suppose to be humour and Dramione. As for humour there will be lots of humour from the next chapter, I had to get all these things out of the way before I could get on with it. I dint want the story to be just a series or humour without an actual story. And as for Dramione just one word 'Patience'. Please review and let me know. Pretty please. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Here I'm again with a new chapter and as promised, there is Dramione and humour. I also wanted to thank all those who reviewed and added this story to their favorite and alert list.**

**Disclaimer: Do you really think I could write about such an awesome world? So there you go.**

I was staring at her intently so that she would give in and tell me what she intended to do with vial. She would give in soon enough, everyone did. Or not! I looked at her she was walking with her head held up high, she sure was comfortable with our new look. I was just staring at her as a distraction and convincing myself that it was just to know about the vial.

"I am not going to be around the whole day for you to use me as a distraction."

I just smiled at the thought that she knew me so well.

"I was just staring at the vial" I said tossing my hair and walking with my head held high like her.

"Because you thought that the vial might tell you its use just by staring at it?" she asked smirking.

I just glared at her stopping.

"Or did you put a spell on it that would do that for you" she said stopping beside me looking at the vial to see if it showed any such signs.

"Ginny you know even I am not that good. Seriously Ginny tell me what does it do. You know what does 'not knowing' do to me."

"Torture? Horror?" she said laughing. I tried glaring at her but couldn't help but laugh along.

"Anyway I might as well tell you because I need your help anyway" she said getting serious again.

"Now you are talking" I said smirking and walking again. She walked beside me.

"Hermione I am serious you need to listen but promise me not to cry or do anything equally ridiculous?" she said pulling my arm so that I stopped again.

"Yes?" I said not sure I wanted to know anymore because somehow I had the feeling it was related to my wonderful ex boyfriend.

"Few weeks back I heard Ron talking to Harry that how since he is single again he should start courting other girls and since he was war hero, girls would fall head over heels for him."

"I – I" I really did not know what to say so She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled at me.

"That is where this comes into picture" she said smirking.

"What is that a love potion?" I asked her incredulously.

"Of course not! It is something so much better. It's my very own creation that I like to call the revenge potion."

I just raised my eyebrows.

"I have been pestering Ron to apologize and make it up to you but he just kept telling me that I should stay away from the matter. So when he said that he would be seeing other girls I completely lost it. I stole a potion from the twins that made you speak nonsense every time you opened you mouth."

I snorted, "Like you need a portion to make Ron speak nonsense"

"That is where you come into picture dear Hermione." She said smirking again. She needs to stop doing that she is scaring me.

"I got caught by Fred while I was trying to hide it I told him everything he promised to help me. Therefore, we did a few changes in the portion. And I only need hair of someone Ron hates."

"You made a new portion? You know it could kill him or do something worse."

"Oh c'mon Hermione you are not the only one good with potions and other stuffs, besides it was supervised by the twins, and everyone knows about their excellence in potions."

Before I could answer someone interrupted us.

"Red?" Blaise said looking

Ginny only raised her eyes at him.

"Quite a transformation from the morning I see."

Before Ginny could retort back I gently nudged her to remind her off her plan.

"Yes, I hope so." Ginny said sweetly. Even I had to look at her to make sure it was Ginny.

Blaise had a look on his face that was hard to read, and Malfoy looked like he was about to get sick.

"Malfoy we have a patrol together tonight before the heads come up with a proper plan" I said without thinking.

Both Blaise and Red – um I mean Ginny looked at me like I had grown an extra head. But my total concentration was on Malfoy who found everything interesting the walls, windows ,Blaise' shirt everything but me.

"Um yeah sure" he said without his usual Malfoyness.

"What is it Malfoy? Have trouble talking?" I said getting close to him.

"What did you do to your hair?" he said finally noticing.

"Finally decided to see eh?" I said gliding even closer. I knew he overheard our conversation yesterday.

"What is there to see? You are not exactly a delightful sight to see." He said with a sneer. If I wasn't so close to him I wouldn't have heard him take a sharp intake of breath as I let my hands wander on his crisp white shirt.

"Vanilla?" he said slowly to himself I wouldn't have heard him at all

"Yes, vanilla and lavender." I said , he just glared at my response.

"Get away from me Granger" he said pushing lightly and growling.

"What no mudblood?" he just narrowed his eyes at me.

I lent in closer to his lips as if I was going to kiss him his eyes grew bigger but he did not attempt to push me so I just whispered in his ears, while my hands roamed in his hair. They were as soft and silky as they looked.

"I know you heard us yesterday." As he heard that, he pushed my away as I suspected and I pulled two or three strands of his hair, as it was a mistake.

"Ow!" he shouted placing his hand from where I took his hair.

I just smiled at him.

"Bitch!"

"Ferret!"

"Bookworm!"

"Self absorbed git!"

"Know – it – all"

"Eavesdropper!"

"Crush!"

"Vanilla!"

"Berti Botts every Flavoured Beans!" Blaise shouted with amusement

That is when we realised that we had audience.

"What is this new game both of you seem to be playing?" Blaise asked.

"Game?" I asked confused.

"She wishes!" Malfoy said.

"Don't we all?" I said smirking knowing that he would understand what I meant.

"Uncle Malfoy and Aunt Granger playing a game alone is mean!" whined Blaise in a childish voice.

"We are not playing anything dear Zabini" I said playing along.

"You know you should be admitted in the St. Mungos, sad they don't consider being a know – it – all a diseases." Malfoy said smirking.

"You should be in Azkaban, sad they don't consider Pompous as a crime" I said glaring.

Before he could retort Ginny interrupted.

"Enough! Stop behaving like first years. I don't want to take away points from both the houses just because you both cant seem to bring your heads out of you asses." She said glaring.

"I knew you had a fetish for ass. And you really are hot when you are mad Red" Blaise said flirting with Ginny. Well it wasn't a secret that he was a player.

Ginny coughed and transforming her face to an innocent expression said "I'm really sorry that I lost my temper." She said smiling sweetly again and pulling me away by my arm.

When we were far enough she stopped again.

"Vanilla?" she asked raising her eyebrow.

"Ass fetish" I said raising mine.

"Touché! Any way how did I do?" she asked giggling.

"You did better than I expected. How did I do?" I asked giggling with her.

She just gave me a confused look.

"You dint seriously think I was all over Malfoy because I wanted to. Did you?" I asked her thrusting the strands on her palm.

"Of course not" she said giving me a knowing look and smiling.

* * *

As Hermione and I entered the great hall everyone stopped doing what they were doing and looked at us. Silly people with no life. However, as I reached our table and saw the expression on Harry's face, it was totally worth it.

"Gi – Ginn – Ginny you look like a girl." He said when he found his voice. It suppressed the urge to roll my eyes and answered him by putting an innocent expression.

"Do you not like it love?" I said little loudly so that people around us could hear it.

"Oh! I love it! You look beautiful." Harry said pulling me into a kiss. It took all the strength in me not to pull back and trim his hair so that they resembled a loser on his head. I was happy to see the food appear. It was really exhausting putting up the good girl façade.

I had mixed Malfoy's Hair strands into the vial and added it to Ron's pumpkin juice when nobody was looking.

I saw Ron gave Harry a look and Harry retuned with an encouraging nod. So he wanted to talk to a girl. Is it? Let us see if she would want to talk back.

"Lavender?" Ron called to the girl who was sitting across him on the table, he had previously dated. This should be interesting.

"Yes Ron?" she said smiling. It was obvious this girl was still in love with my idiot of a brother.

"Don't you think Malfoy has beautiful hair?" Ron said before he could control his mouth. He put a hand on his mouth as to stop from talking.

"What?" lavender asked not believing that she had actually heard right.

Harry pulled Ron and asked him what the hell he was talking about.

"I don't know. It just came out of my mouth."

"Lavender I was saying that did you see Malfoy's eyes they are a beautiful shade of grey" he tried to stop talking by putting his hand on his mouth but found out he could not.

"Ron? What are you saying? Are you trying to make fun of me?" Lavender shouted. Little did she know that he would make a laughing stock out of himself.

Hermione who had been watching this gave me a knowing look and turned to Ron.

"Ron are you alright?"

"I swear Hermione, Malfoy has an amazing body!" he shouted letting the whole hall listen to his thoughts about Malfoy. I look at the Slytherin table Malfoy looked like he was about puke. Blaise just gave me an amusing look.

"Ron I dint know that you swung that way" Dean said making the whole hall burst into laughter.

Ron ran out of the hall and Harry ran behind him.

After the war, the sixth years and the seventh years had the class together and we had transfiguration with the Slytherins in our first hour.

* * *

As Hermione and I entered the class just few minutes before the class started we had no other option but to sit on the bench in front of Malfoy and Zabini. We were late because I had to explain to Hermione made you speak random good things about the person whose hair was added. And that he would speak wonderful words about Malfoy only when he talked to females.

"Hello red! Missed me" Blaise sad as soon as we sat.

"I'm sorry Zabini but you should know that I already have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be missing other boys." I said innocently. He just frowned and before he could answer professor, McGonagall walked into the class shutting him.

She started her boring lecture. After sometime her eyes landed on my dear brother who wasn't paying attention but was laughing at something Harry had told him.

"Mr. Weasley would you like to share to the class what is so amusing?"

"Um Professor actually I was saying that Malfoy looks very sexy even in his school uniform"

The whole class started laughing

"What the hell is wrong with him?" Malfoy grumbled behind me.

"I thought you liked receiving attention. Seems like someone has a crush on you" Hermione answered him.

Before he could retort back professor asked all of us to keep quiet.

"I am sure Mr. Weasely you can profess your feeling for Mr. Malfoy after my class"

At this, whole classes roared in laughter again. Malfoy looked like he was going to kill my brother. However, I could care less, as this situation was hilarious.

"Enough! Another giggle or a sound then I will start deducting 50 points each!" that shut everyone off. Rest of the class was quite boring.

After the class while packing our bad I saw Hermione smiling.

"What are you smiling at?"

"We have potions next. Can't wait to see what Snape has to say about Ron's new found obsession"

This should be interesting.

**A/N: I just couldn't leave Snape dead. He is one of my favourite characters. Don't you think so too? Why don't you review and let me know. I know there isn't that much humour but there will be more. Don't be disappointed. Stay tuned and don't forget to review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Why does every chapter have an author's note at the start? Do you know? I don't know either. **

**Thank you all those who reviewed and added this story to favourite and alert list. It is my favourite chapter so far. It may be a little confusing at the end. If anyone has a problem then just pm me.**

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah… whatever.**

That day at the harbour I had an antidote for a snakebite that had temporarily healed Snape who was later admitted in St. Mungo's for full recovery after the war. Nevertheless, as the rumours are Harry saved him. Of course, the whole world was fucking saved by Harry Fucking Potter and I was just a sidekick. However, little did anyone know that Snape was a notorious prankster who has a very weird sense of humour and staying under Voldemort for so many years and watching the pale, nose less corpse tormenting people he has developed a taste for watching people in distress. If you asked me, this made Snape even scarier that the delusional lord himself. Therefore, I was really looking forward for our double potions class with the Slytherins. Moreover, rumours in Hogwarts spread as fast as fire so it wasn't exactly a surprise to me that our potions master kept looking at the door every minute. I am sure waiting for Ron and Harry.

Finally, after 5 minutes Ron and Harry had decided to grace us with their pathetic presence.

"Oh look who had finally decided to show up." Said our greasy headed professor.

All the eyes were trained on both of them waiting for Ron to say something. Unlike always, Snape's concentration was on Ron, he waited patiently for Ron to speak up. Everyone ignored Harry standing beside Ron, I'm sure it might have pissed him to no limit, serves him right.

"I'm sorry professor" harry said trying to gain their attention.

"Um go sit" Snape said absent-mindedly.

Both of them moved to go sit when Snape interrupted again.

"Not you Mr. Weasley"

Ron just looked at him with his mouth tied shut.

"Well? Are you going to say something or are you going to stand there looking like a red fool?" Snape asked Ron.

"um – I am – sorry Professor. I can speak. Oh my god I can speak normally." Ron said with happiness.

"Congratulations! That will be 10 points from Gryffindor for arriving late, 10 points for behaving like a fool, 10 points for being such a boring entertainer."

"Oh looks like he is finally able to get through his head that Draco only likes girls." Pansy said from the bench beside ours.

"Shut up! Pansy, Draco has the most charming smile I have ever seen" Ron said without being able to control himself.

He almost looked like he was about to cry. I was about to go help him when Malfoy spoke from behind me.

"Granger is this the reason you guys broke up? Because he like me better than you?"

I just glared at him as it reminded me why Ron was at this misery. When I said nothing he spoke again.

"It's alright Granger everyone loves me, maybe he was just bored of your know it all company." He said his head held up high like he has accomplished something big.

"I'm sorry, do you want a reward for being able to be sneaky little cheat who my ex seems to be interested in. Or do you want a reward for finally discovering that you like sausages more than melons?" I said faking serious.

"Sausages? Melons? Are you hungry 'Mione?" asked Neville innocently.

The whole class started laughing while Malfoy was glaring at me. I just winked at him while I blew a kiss. He looked horrified. He was about to say something when Snape spoke up.

"Okay that's enough! If you do not have anything else up your sleeve to entertain us then you may take your seat. And we can begin our class."

As Ron sat beside Harry, Snape started his class.

"Today you will make poly juice portion, the ingredients and the method is in your book page number 322. However, there will be a slight change in the method from that in your book. Changes are on the board. I suggest you do it right because you will be consuming your potion at the end of the class today. Any questions? No? What are you waiting for then?"

I was raising my hand but he was ignoring me, way to be thankful to the person who saved your life.

"Please sir, a poly juice portion preparation time is minimum a month, how do you expect us to consume it at the end of the class?" I asked him.

He looked at me with a mischievous glint as if he wanted me to ask this question. But he blinked and said in his usual stultified tone

"Why do you think I wrote that on the board miss granger? Because I thought it would be funny?"

I just lowered my head in embarrassment as the whole class started giggling. Almost at the end of the class when everyone's potion was ready Snape spoke again.

"You will not be taking hair of the person you please but I will be giving you the hair." Everyone groaned as they thought he might be giving us his greasy hair.

Just think of a class filled with so many Snapes.

Scary I know.

"No I will not be giving you my precious hair, you fools like I would want you all to look like me." few snickered but most of them looked relived.

"'Mione do you think Malfoy looks hot when he is riding the broom?" Ron asked me showing me his vial of potion and then ended up hitting his head on the bench purposely.

"Excuse me?" I asked him looking appalled, but inside I was literally dancing looking at Ron's Red face.

"What I think he wanted to ask was if his potion looks alright to you." Harry said looking sympathetically at his friend, who in turn just nodded his head as if to say that is what he wanted to ask.

"Um – ok – let me see it" I said using my acting skills. I must say I'm quite good at it.

Ron handed me his vial without speaking a word.

"It's yellow." I said to him.

"Well obviously Malfoy has flawless complexion." Ron said and hit his head again.

"Well if you are so interested in him why don't you go and ask him to check the portion for you?" I said handing him his vial back.

Ron looked at harry and whispered something in Harry's ears.

"He says that he can see it is yellow in colour but he wants to know if it is right."

"Of course it is not! It is supposed to be purple" I said showing him my vial.

He looked scared, but before he could say anything Snape asked Blaise to take his vial and walk to the front of the class where he can take his chosen hair and everyone can see him transform into someone else.

As soon as he drank his vial, his black hair grew a little and arranged themselves into a dishevelled array, his eyes changed into a bluish colour much like Harry has and so he transformed into harry.

* * *

As Snape called Blaise to the front of the class, I was watching him intently and as he transformed into Harry I couldn't help but smile. Everyone clapped at him but he trained his eyes solely on me. As he sat behind me, he leaned forward to whisper in my ear.

"So what were you saying about this missing only your boyfriend thing?" Before I could answer Snape asked me to come with my vial.

As I drank the vial, I felt my hair turn black with beautiful curls. I looked at my hand they were a darker shade. I felt my body increasing and decreasing at different places. My whole body was tingling. I am not sure who I turned into, as I couldn't see my face.

As I sat beside Hermione in my place I was about to ask her who I had changed into when Blaise spoke up again.

"So you have the biggest crush on me eh?"

"Excuse me?" I asked confused.

Hermione smiled at me and said, "You look like Romilda."

Then Snape called upon Dean who managed to transform into Parvati.

"Nice boobs" he said to Parvati who looked angry and just showed him the finger.

And it went on. Snape called Malfoy after few students.

As he drank his potion he shrunk a lot his blonde hair turned onto a brown bush of curls, his gray eyes were now chocolate brown. He looked at himself his shirt too big for him, his pants too big, he looked like a cute, lost Hermione.

"I'm Granger!" he shouted.

"Yes we can see that. You even sound like her know – it – all – self" Snape said.

He walked slowly trying hard not to fall. As he reached Hermione, he glared at her

"It's your fault" he said trying his best not to trip. It was hard to think of him as Malfoy he looked like Mione with a helpless lost expression he looked so adorable.

"yes, Malfoy it's my fault that you created the portion perfectly. Snape gave you my hair that is my fault. Everything is my fault. Even the global warming is my fault" she said rolling her eyes.

"warm what?" Malfoy asked confused.

Snape called Harry who transformed into Neville. Neville in turn dint change into anything but managed to faint by smelling the fumes that for whatever reason came out of his vial. Snape then called my brother.

Ron looked so scared out of his mind it was almost funny. As he drank his vial, nothing happened for almost a minute.

He looked relived. But suddenly his red hair grew long and straight and changed into platinum blonde much like Malfoy has, but his nose grey smaller pug shaped almost like Pansy's his shirt grew tighter well probably growing something inside, but instead of growing shorter he grew a few inches taller. He looked mortified. The whole class started to laugh. He looked like a cross-made between Pansy and Malfoy. Hermione and I stared a look, as we knew why he had Malfoy's features.

"What the hell is that?" shouted Hermione no. 2 from behind me she looked completely horrified.

There was a scream from a bench beside ours by none other than Pansy who looked like she would faint any moment.

"Looks like you Future children Malfoy, with Pansy that is." Hermione said, the one sitting beside me.

"She wishes!" Hermione no. 2 screamed.

"What are you shouting about Granger?" Pansy shouted.

"Shut up Pansy! It's me."

"Oh I'm sorry Draco I thought you were – um – her _" she said pointing at the girl beside me "_you know I would never shout at you. You are my boy friend after all we will be marring soon."

Both the Hermione's Glared at her. It was hilarious.

"I don't think that will ever be possible Pansy, looking at both of your outcome; I'm sure they would throw you both in the Azkaban if you both ever hook up again" said Harry from behind me. And the class started Laughing. When did Harry sit behind me? Oh right it was Blaise.

Snape called Hermione and by now I was really interested into whom would Hermione transform.

As she drank her vial, Harry taped me on my shoulder.

"Red? Why does your brother have features of Draco?"

Red? Why would Harry call me Red? Oh right he was Blaise. This is getting very confusing.

I just shrugged.

"You know you looked better in the morning you see I have never had a Red head before." He said smirking.

"Sad really. Looks like you will never have ever." I said smirking. Before he could answer Malfoy screamed, form the front of the class. Why the hell is Malfoy screaming? Why is he wearing a skirt and a cloak that reached just below his knees? Oh that was Hermione who transformed into Malfoy. Well at least now, I wouldn't be confused between Hermione no. 1 and 2.

She walked weirdly trying to get used to her new long legs. She glared at Hermione sitting beside Harry.

"Wow Malfoy, you look Handsome as always." Hermione said from Behind me and finally Pansy fainted. About time.

Hermione and Malfoy glared at each other for the rest of the time, which was nothing different until you saw their clothes. After everyone was finished, everyone looked at themselves and each other. Few boys were wearing skirts few girls were wearing pants and a special someone who looked like a hybrid whatever.

"When will the portion wear off" asked Hermione and Malfoy together and then glare at each other.

"A normal poly juice portion wears off within few hours. But since you made few changes so I am not sure." Malfoy said. Everyone looked at him as if he had grown an extra head.

"Stop making me look like a know – it – all" whined Hermione from behind me.

Snape coughed to get every ones attention. Obviously, everyone was interested because nobody was happy with the situation. Everyone looked at Snape expectantly, who just smirked with a mischievous glint in his eyes and said.

"A week"

**A/N: hahaha! I can't stop laughing either. Poor kids. Really the things I make them go through. This is my favourite chapter so far. Is it yours too? Let me know. You know what to do. Review! And if you have any confusion then feel free to pm me. I will be glad to clarify it.**

**And I also wanted to tell you that as you have seen I used to pretty much update every alternate day but the next chapter is a little hard to write because of the jumbled characters, so I may upload a day or two late. Until then, happy reading. XOXO**


	5. Authors note

***** Very important*****

**Authors note: I'm really sorry for those who were expecting a new chapter, but I had to put this note before I upload a new chapter. As you have already read in the previous chapter that many of the characters have gone through a very special makeover. I dint realize it earlier but there might be a few scenes where there might be a need to change the rating. And since I cannot change the rating for each of the chapter, I'll have to change the rating to 'M'. However, there will not be any graphic "love making" scenes. At least I did not plan any such scenes yet. The next chapter will be up by tomorrow. I promise.**

**Anyway, on a better note I wrote a one-shot "Stupid Knight in distress" you can read that if you want to. It's quite hilarious. You can find it in my profile.**

**Maddie.**


	6. Chapter 5

**I'm so sorry for making you all wait for so long. I was really confused and had to rewrite the whole thing 3 times. Yes 3 times. And I still don't like it.**

**I would also like to thank you all who reviewed and who added it to their favourite or alert list. I would specially like to thank adorableprincezz, fiolee10. And lastly Raven4you I'm sorry I couldn't pm you since you were a guest reviewer who threatened me that if I dint update then you would kidnap me. I am sorry but I clearly don't see how that will solve the problem.**

**Disclaimer: You are supposed to be admitted in St. Mungo's for even thinking I own anything other than the cat.**

**Spoiler alert! Draco has a cat! You ask why? Because I want him to. Kapish? Now carry on.**

* * *

"A week? A week? Is he mad?" what – "

"Just calm down and sit down."

"Calm down? Calm down? It's not like your body is transformed into a ferret's body."

"You are over reacting. It is not a ferret's body. It is the body of the hottest boy in Hogwarts. Imagine what you could do with it."

"I don't expect anything less than that from you Romilda." I shouted. If I were one of those muggle cartoons, I swear there would have been smoke coming out of my ears.

Romilda looked around searching for someone.

"What are you searching for?"

"It's just you and I in the room 'Mione."

"Glad you finally noticed." I said rolling my eyes. Merlin this girl is daft.

"You were talking to Romilda." She said frowning.

"Well obv – oh right. I am sorry Ginny I forgot for a moment there that it is you."

"Actually I forgot all about it too." She said sheepishly.

"This is all very confusing." I said giving up and sitting on the couch in the head girl's dorm.

"Yes. But I have an idea." She said smiling mischievously.

"Does it involve getting out of the situation?"

"No" she said still smiling.

"Then I don't want to know."

"Well if you don't want to then its fine. Why would you want to take advantage of the situation and get revenge on Ron and Malfoy at the same time? Let us just sit and sulk at our situation. It's more fun that way." She said pretending as if she were very sad.

When you think about it, actually I could use it to my advantage. I mean Snape had cured Ron of the hideous thing he had transformed into so our plan to embarrass him had failed. Snape had made sure that no one in Hogwarts other than the ones present in the class was to know about this madness. Moreover, since for the world I was Malfoy I could embarrass him as much as I want.

"Well since sulking would only tarnish my flawless Malfoy skin and daddy dear would want that so I am ready to listen to this idea of ours."

"Only for daddy dears sake so that he doesn't die of boredom I suggest we get out of the room now."

"And do what?" I asked her frowning.

"I don't know yet. But I have some great news for you."

"Which is?"

"My dear brother may not be that ridiculous thing anymore but he is still obsessed with Malfoy. Like a real obsession. I mean after Snape gave him an antidote he transformed into himself but the potion we gave him had its own effect and it is as if he is on a love potion. And also Snape obliviated the memory of the class since he dint want that idiot to tell to anyone about it, in his obsession with you."

"And I am suppose to be happy that my ex boy friend is obsessed with me."

"Really did your brain even transformed into Malfoy's brain of something?"

* * *

We were walking on the corridor I had no clue why was everyone staring at us as if we had grown a new pair of head. I was about to hex a second year when Daphne Greengrass walked up to us and looked at the floor miserably.

"Can I help you Greengrass?"

She still found the stone flooring interesting. I looked at the stone to see if there was something new I missed.

"Who are you?" Malfoy asked her slowly.

"I – um – Neville"

"Neville? Oh, I am so sorry. I dint know you transformed as Greengrass."

"I dint know either when I woke up I saw me trying to wake me up. I screamed only to have a silencio put on me. Then I found out it was Harry who told me everything and transformed my clothes."

"Oh Neville it's alright." Malfoy said hugging him or her. Whatever.

Just then, a high-pitched shout made me cover my ears.

"What the hell do you think you are doing Vane?" Pansy said in her nasal voice. "And you how could you do this to me? Your best friend?" she said pulling Neville/Greengrass from Malfoy's embraces.

"What do you want cow?"

"Drakie Poo. Why are you with these sluts?" she said to Hermione/Malfoy who looked like she was about to die from not breathing.

"It's alright dear. Breathe. Slow and steady. Breathe in and breathe out with your nose. Inhale and exhale."

"I know how to breathe." Hermione/Malfoy snapped.

"Drakie Poo why are you with them." She said batting her eyelashes.

"What is wrong with you Parkinson? Don't you remember?" she asked Pansy.

"Don't I remember what poochikin?"

"No she doesn't. She dint transform into anything so Snape oblivated her." Neville/Greengrass said.

"Transform into what? And why did that grease head obliviate me?" she said glaring at Neville/Greengrass. Who in turn again stared at the ever-interesting floor.

"Oh nothing he is just murmuring – "I stated pathetically.

"He? What is wrong with you? Daphne is a she. A girl. A pathetic boyfriend stealer at that one" Pansy said glaring at Neville/Greengrass.

She turned to Hermione again.

"Poochikin – "

"What is this 'pooing' you have been doing? What is wrong with you Parkinson?"

"I have called you like that since second year. And since when am I Parkinson for you Drakie Poo?"

"Merlin you call him with such a hideous name?" Hermione/Malfoy asked her.

"Call who Poochikin? She asked confused.

"Malfoy." she snapped.

"But you are Malfoy." She said again even more confused. I don't blame. After all what else can fit other than, poop in that pea pod brain.

"Yes. Yes, I am Malfoy. I know that. You don't need to tell me that" she snapped again.

"Oh Drakie Poo. You don't seem – "

"Stop this 'poo' shit. Hearing you makes me want to poop. Listen – "

"Oh Draco! Where were you? I have been searching for you everywhere. Were you avoiding me?" Ron said coming out of nowhere and kneeling on his knees in front of Hermione/Malfoy.

She looked at me and smiled giving me a knowing look.

"Ron dear. I was on my way to find you but Parkinson would not let me. She keeps talking something about poop" she said picking Ron up.

Pansy looked at him and screamed at Ron

"What do you think you are doing? Stay away from my poochikin."

"Poochikin? What a ridiculous name. Isn't it Drakbear?"

Hermione/Malfoy looked like she was on the verge of passing out.

"What did you just call me?" Hermione the real Malfoy said coming face to face with Ron. Face to face as in pulling him down to her level by his shirt collar.

"Hermione leave me. I know that you love me. But I love Drakebear. Leave me."

"Drakebear? What a ridiculous name."

"I know Granger. Take him away from my Poochikin."

"Drakebear? Poochikin? What is this? Are you competing to see who can come out with the most hideous name? " Harry said amusingly. However, his eyes were on me.

"Would you like to Participate too Harry dear?"

"No I just like the name 'Red'" he said smirking at me. Oh right this was  
Blaise. Someone just kill that mad professor.

"'Red'? Why would you call Drakebear 'Red' Harry? You love my sister remember? Don't you dare steal my boyfriend from me." he said about to launch at Harry.

Nevertheless, Hermione who is actually Malfoy caught his arms and said "I'm nobody's boyfriend you idiot. You – "

Just then, a big ball of red whiskers jumped on him with wide eyes.

"Oh Toby. What are you doing here?" she said scratching him.

"Oh Poochikin look Toby is playing with Granger." Pansy said to Hermione/Malfoy

"What is that thing? Who is Toby?" Hermione/Malfoy

"It is your cat, Tobiaus." She said looking confused again.

"What sort of a name is that? I dint know Malfoy had a cat" she said looking at the cat.

"Malfoy has a cat. I mean you have a cat." Pansy said to Hemione/Malfoy as if she were a child

"Tobiaus means precious." Malfoy/Hermione told her proudly.

"It's ridiculous. Oh looks they even rhyme."

"You think you can talk about my cat like that. I will – "

"Of course not Hermione. Let us leave them here. We need to discus some things" Harry/Blaise said pulling him away.

* * *

For the first time I was thankful for listening to the old bat during the transfiguration classes. I had transformed my pants into a skirt and my shirt into a proper fitted one. After the maddening class, Snape had put a spell on us that wouldn't let us speak about this insanity to anyone other than the ones who already knew. Longbottom had managed to transform himself into Daphne while he was recovering from his Faintathon! Yes faintathon is what we Slytherins call it due to the many times that idiot had managed to faint himself. Snape cured Weasley and now he is back to himself, that is he looks like him. Pansy for whatever reason did not transform into anybody so Snape had obliviated both of them so that they do not tell anybody about this either. Speaking of Pansy I am a little glad that I do not have to deal with her for a week.

Blaise pulled me to the heads room. And let me make it clear I dint make it easy for him. Granger had insulted my cat, my precious. My Toby

And this is how I found myself sitting in the head dorms and trying to cover my body with my cloak from the eyes of Harry fucking Potter, who is actually Blaise.

"How does it feel?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know being a girl. Now you have a girl's body for a week at your disposal. How do you feel?"

"Insatiable urge to throttle Snape?"

"True. But I might as well use it to my advantage."

Leave it to Slytherins to use everything to their advantage.

"How does it feel like being 'the saint'?"

"I feel like I am on Felix Felicis, nothing could ever happen to me no matter how stupid I am." He said smirking and thinking something.

"What are you thinking?"

"I think that Red and her bushy friend might have got something to do with Weasley's new found love for you."

"Excuse me? I am an attractive man, so he was only speaking the truth."

"Seriously Draco? How dumb can you be?"

"What are you talking about? I am the brightest witch of our age." I said mimicking Grangers better than thou voice.

"Yes, yes that you are." He said smiling.

"But now that you have said I think it has got to do something with, when she pulled my hair."

"She pulled you hair?" Blaise said raising his eyebrows.

"Yes when she was making – um trying to um – making – um"

"Trying to make out with you in the morning?" he said smirking.

"If that is what you call as making out." I said snorting. Oh Salazar since when does a Malfoy snort.

"Then I suggest you show her how to make out." He said smirking.

I almost fell of the couch. Does even polujucying yourself into potter makes you talk dumb things?

"Here me out first" he said before I could say anything.

When I dint say anything he started taking again.

"Since we have already discovered that she stole your hair to use it on Weasley, it's only fair we return the favour."

"Steal her hair in return?" I said running my hand through my hair they were not rough, like I had expected but they wear soft and smooth.

"No you idiot. We will be doing something else."

"Like what?"

"Something that will make her wish she never stole your hair, or done anything else for that matter" He said slowly while searching for something.

"Found it!" he exclaimed holding and old book.

"Sorry to break it to you but I am the one who is transformed into bookworm, you are not suppose to be happy on finding a book." I said frowning.

"Just shut up granger and do as I say."

"Draco!" I said glaring.

"What – whatever. You actually look good. Seems like you have good curves. Who knew granger was hiding this behind the cloak?"

"Excuse me?" I said standing and on the verge of running out. It was not exactly a secret that Blaise was a playboy.

"Sit down Draco. This is my mother's diary that I had ones found. it has many charms and spells. Now since for rest of the Hogwarts you are Hermione think of how many ways you can embarrass her."

"I like where you are going with this. So what do you think we do now?"

"Just stand in front of me and let me do the rest"

"Are you sure – "

"I am the head boy I think I can handle a few spells." He said rolling his eyes.

After he was done I dint know whether I should run and hide somewhere or to just kill Granger.

**A/N: First thing first, I'm the realest (realest). Just kidding. I am just in love with this song by Iggy Azalea. Did you guys listen to this song? If you did not, then listen to it. Its "fancy" by Iggy Azalea. And I know you guys want to kill me because this chapter just doesn't make sense. I don't blame you. It doesn't make sense to me either and to think of it I wrote it. However, after I wrote half of the next chapter, things are much clearer then. I would appreciate it if you guys just bear this mess with me. You can see it for yourself that is if you still want to stick to it after this bad chapter. I hope you do. Let me know how bad this is in the review or you can also pm me about how bad of an author I 'm. Also from next chapter it would be 'M' rated. Therefore, you know where to find it.**

**Maddie**


	7. Chapter 6

**I'm wearing an armour so if you guys are shooting me right now it probably won't work. I know you guys want to beat me up but really am sorry. I had a very big fight with my sister and was so depressed that I did not feel like writing or anything. I know that is not a way to treat my lovely readers. But I really am sorry.**

**Disclaimer: if I owned any of it I would have just hex my sister. **

Everyone was acting so weird. Since yesterday, everyone is behaving different. I hope today they were normal. Daphne for some reason was interested in my Drakiepoo. She never showed any such interest before. I knew Astoria was interested but Daphne was Theo's girl friend who for some reason was flirting with some sixth years. Even now, during lunch, Daphne sat on Draco's other side and he doesn't seem to mind.

"What the hell!" I heard Draco shriek from beside me.

I looked in the direction he was looking only to watch a skipping Hermione Granger. Her skirt was too short that rode too high whenever she skipped and quite a few shirt buttons were undone at the top giving a glimpse of her cleavage. Who knew she had one. Behind her walked the saint Potter eyeing her ass all the while.

"I'm going to kill him." Draco growled from beside me.

"Since when do you care?" I asked him. What is wrong with him?

Granger seems to have caught many males' eyes as she was flirting with anyone and everyone. Draco always seem to look in her direction. Did he like her? Nevertheless, she was a mud blood. If I lose Drake to a mud blood - . No that cannot happen.

In transfiguration class I made sure that, he sat with me. Good thing Blaise sat with a Gryffindor and Daphne sat with the Weasley. What is wrong with the girl? Leave her. There were many other Slytherins sitting with Gryffindor. What is wrong with everyone?

At least I wasn't the only one confused because the old bat also looked around the class with wide eyes before starting her class.

"Today we will learn how to transform into an animal."

She did a spell and there was a banana in front of everyone.

"It is a simple spell but requires a lot of concentration. If you do it wrong you may transform to Merlin knows what."

The class started to chatter.

"Silence!"

"So you will have to concentrate on your choice of animal and do a quick spell written on the board while creating an eight and then tapping yourself with the wand. Yes Mr. Malfoy?"

Everyone looked at Drakiepoo. Why is his hand up in the air like Grangers? Moreover, for a change Granger hands were on her lap in a ball and glaring at my Puchikin. Everyone started to laugh.

"Shut up everyone! Drakebear do you want to talk about something?" the Weasley said looking at my Draco lovingly.

Everyone laughed more.

"Silence everyone! Mr. Weasley I suggest you keep your concentration on the spell rather than on Mr. Malfoy if you don't wish me to deduct house point."

"Yeah yeah sure." He said without even glancing at her and looking dreamily at my Draco.

"He is off limits troll. He is mine." I said coldly.

""you wish!" Granger growled from her seat.

"Yes, I wish you were dead mud blood!"

"Shut up Parkinson! Say mudblood another time and i will chop of your pug nose!" Draco shouted at me. I was shocked! How could he say that to me? Does he really like the mudblood?

"Okay that is enough! I don't want any more word other than the spell!"

"But professor I have a doubt." Drake said almost like Granger.

The old bat instead of looking at Drake she was looking at Granger who was busy inspecting her nails. What is wrong with her?

"Ms. Granger? Are you feeling well?"

She dint even glance at her. Potter shook her and nodded towards the professor.

"Yes professor?" she drawled as if she was extremely bored.

"I would suggest you start paying attention in class and admire your nails later."

"Sure" she said losing her tie even more.

The old bat looked at the class and asked everyone to start the spell.

"You can partner with the person beside you and perform the spell on each other."

"Puchikin do you want to go first?"

"if I let you go first will you stop calling me with that ridiculous name?"

"But Puch – "

"Parkinson you are this close to being hexed to become mute for a week. I suggest you think and talk." Drake said coldly. He was scary went he wanted to be. I gulped.

"Y – yes okay"

"So do you want to go first?"

"n – no you go first." I didn't want to piss him further.

"As you wish. So which animal do you want to become?"

"A rabbit." I said smiling. I love rabbits they are so cute.

Before he could, start there was a dog bark in the class. Looking around I saw that Potter had managed to turn Granger into a dog.

She kept barking and running around the class. Everyone started moving around, laughing and tickling it. Then it jumped on Drake and he fell on the floor. He started shouting and trying to shoo it away. However, the dog kept licking his face.

"Malfoy I think the dog likes you." Potter said kneeling beside him

"Take it off me."

"Why would you want that? Look how adorable it is."

"I don't care – "before he could finish the statement I saw Draco's shirt got wet.

"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god." Draco kept chanting.

"Oh look I told you it likes you." Potter said.

"It peed on me. You fool"

"Yes I can see that. That means it really likes you."

"It peeing on me how can it mean it likes me. Just get it off me."

"Don't you know? That dogs pee on the trees they like to mark it as their territory?"

Then the dog ran behind the cupboards. I helped Draco up he stank of dog pee.

"Eww! What is that smell?" Weasley came and stood near Draco.

"It's Malfoy. The dog peed on him." Potter said smiling.

"Don't worry Drakebear I still love you."

Drake just glared at him and growled.

"I don't think you can do that. He now belongs to Gran – I mean the dog because she marked him as hers' by peeing."

Then Granger walked from behind the cupboard dressed in her slutty attire again.

"You! Un-pee me right now!" Drake shouted at granger.

"What do you mean? How can I do that? Do you want me to pee on you again?" Granger asked smirking.

Draco just stepped back with a look of horror and ran out of the class.

* * *

After I ran out of the class I ran into the prefect's bathroom, bathed, and scrubbed myself to get rid of the smell. It was almost time for lunch while I was walking down the corridor I spotted him ( _A/N: Malfoy turned Hermione)_ and pulled him into the alcove behind the statue.

"He – hey! Hey! Stop manhandling me!"

"Shut up Malfoy!"

"Please! Did you ever see the bookworm shut her mouth?" he said smiling at me.

"Don't call me bookworm!"

"If you haven't noticed I'm Granger now so I have to behave like her or people will get suspicious you see." He said faking serous.

"You can never be me."

"As if I want to." He said inspecting his nail as a girl does. That is when I saw something.

"Oh my god what is that?"

"What? Oh, you mean this one. It is a dragon. Its beautiful isn't it?" he said pulling his shirt up to reveal a tattoo. Dragons face was at the edge of my thumb blowing fire, its body was at the back of my hand, and its tail was spiralling around my wrist.

"Oh Merlin it – its "

"Yes yes granger it's a tottaa" he said grinning.

"What?" I asked confused.

"A tottaa" he said as if he was talking to a child.

"What is a tottaa?"

"Are you sure you are a muggle born? It's something from the muggle world but Blaise did it using a spell. You already have another one below your left breast" he said coming near me and ignoring the concept of personal space.

I don't know what to be angrier about? He made another Tattoo. Or that he has seen the one that I already had? Nevertheless, I was also confused at the point.

"That is a tattoo under um – my - you know. What is this tottaa you keep saying?"

"Oh um – what are you talking about? I said tattoo." He said backing up. I sighed in relief.

"Whatever. That isn't Real is it.?"

"Of course it is what do you think I do? A Malfoy always does everything real and pure." He said haughtily.

"b – but that is not your body! Its mine." I stomped my foot.

"Stop that. You make me look like a girl. Malfoys don't stomp like a kid."

"Really now?" I said smirking. Because I had an amazing idea how to feed Malfoy his own medicine.

"Why are you smirking?"

"Because that is what you always did. Dint you?"

"Yes only when I had an evil plan in my brain." He said with wide eyes.

I smiled at him and left.

Instead of going to the great hall, I went to the library because I had few things to read before I put my plan in action. And for the plan to succeed I also needed something big to happen.

After I finished. I saw the time. I only had 10 minutes before the lunch ended. I had to hurry because I couldn't go to a class empty stomach. Before that, I had to put a spell to start my plan.

* * *

After our rendezvous, I was sure that Granger had thought of something stupid. I knew that she was capable of coming up with brilliant ideas. So I found Blaise and told him about it. He told me not to worry. However, the look she gave was enough to make me pee again. That incident was hilarious. Especially when Blaise told her about her being my territory.

I was waiting impatiently for her come to great hall for lunch. And when she came. I was relieved that she did not do anything yet. She walked to the Slytherin table and sat where I always sat but between Pansy and Daphne. Then she looked at me, smirked evilly again, and put her hand on the table. That is when I saw what she had done. Even Pansy noticed it because as soon as she did she fainted. I was about run and throttle the bitch to death when a familiar owl flew and dropped a letter in front of her. She slowly opened the letter and read it. Then she folded it neatly and looked at me with that devil smile again. Oh god! What is the letter about?

"Is that what I think it is?" Blaise asked from beside me.

"What?" I asked him clueless.

"Do you remember what week it is?"

That is when it hit me. I panicked and looked at her hoping I was wrong. She just nodded to confirm that it was what I think it is.

**Cliffhanger! I for one really love writing them but I don't like when I'm the one reading. I know this chapter is short but it had to be for the next chapter to be long. I had to leave it here to create suspense. I know you probably want to kill me because I wrote after a long time and that too a short one. But I promise you the next one will be worth it. So any guesses as to from who the letter could be?**

** And I wanted to tell you all that I'm writing another story. It's a vampire-werewolf story. If you are into those things, you should give it a try. It's quite hilarious as well and also has mystery. It is called "It's their story" because it mostly is a story about a twin brother and sister. You can find it in **

**Books-****vampires or you could just go to profile. I know I'm rambling I'll stop. **

**Maddie**


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